The Unseen Struggle
by Scooz
Summary: This is about Toph's struggle with her blindness and people's difference towards her, specifically the constant reminder of what she can never enjoy because of her inability to see the colors of life.


She sat there, thinking about all that had come to pass since she had joined her companions in their struggle against the Fire Nation. Her life had changed in way she never could've imagined. For the first time that she could remember, Toph had experienced friendship, trust, and acceptance, and yet, she could still feel a shadow cast over her heart. While her friends did not pity her the way her obsessive parents had, the Earthbender could still feel their difference towards her and her disability. Earlier that day, while Sokka was packing, Toph, Katara, and Aang went off to practice their bending. Toph and Aang practiced some advanced Earthending techniques and Katara passed the time picking flowers until she could work with Aang. When the Watertribe girl returned, she boasted an armful of flowers and Toph could sense the strange ecstasy her companion recieved from gathering these plants that would soon die.

"Oh Aang, Toph, look at all the beautiful col--" The Earthbender heard the light smack where Katara had quickly covered her mouth to cut off the flow of words. "Toph, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean--"

"It's alright, Katara. I was born blind and never saw colors. It's hard to miss something you've never seen," she shrugged apathetically.

The Waterbender apologized to Toph again before taking Aang to practice, but the awkward tension still lingered in the air, like the stink of Sokka's socks, after they left. Now, she sat alone, in her own little corner of Appa's saddle as they headed north to Ba Sing Se. Sokka and Katara were having one of their sibling banters and Aang was talking to his giant, flying bison. Having nothing else to distract her, Toph became entangled in the crowded thoughts and complex emptions that flew rampantly through her mind. What did colors look like? What was it about colors that made Katara want to pull some silly weeds from the ground? What value did colors give these simple flowers that made them better than other plants? The notion confused her, but at the same time made her envious. The young girl could remember the first time she learned about colors. After her first championship at Earth Rumble, one of the chronic gamblers approached her with an offer of a partnership in some fixed Earthbending fights, but Toph wasn't interested. Frustrated by her refusal, the man made comments about her blindness.

"I don't get how a little thing like yourself can be such a great Earthbender, and blind as well. Don't you miss seeing the world? Seeing colors?" he asked with a patronizing tone that angered the Earthbender.

"I don't know what colors are. Now leave me alone," she gritted through her teeth.

"You have never seen colors before? What can you see? Just blackness?"

"I don't know what blackness is either. Just leave me alone!" she commanded.

This man decided to ignore her, or he was just stupid, as he persisted. "You have never seen anything have you?" his voice took on a slightly more sympathetic tone, though, she doubt he intended it. "What a curse. Never seen a sunrise or sunset, never to see the faces of loved ones or friends. How can you live life without seeing anything?"

"I see just fine on my own without vision. I don't care what the sun looks like or anyone else. All that matters to me is Earthbending."

She could taste the lie on her lips. Even now, sitting on the back of the last Sky Bison, far away from her old life as the Blind Bandit, she could taste the bittersweetness of her own denial poisoning her words. Of course she wondered what colors looked like. Everything that seemed trivial to her was made more lovely to others who could see colors. What array of colors had been so pleasing to the eye that Katara wanted to kill a bunch of plants just so she could admire their colors until they wilted away? What color was her callous Earthbender skin? Her unseeing eyes? The strange hair that always brushed against her face? What other beauty in life would she miss out on due to unfortunate circumstances surrounding her birth?When her companions laughed, she could not see the mirth in their faces. She could never know what Aang's goofy demeanor looked like, nor Katara's sweet face. And Sokka. Sokka. Often Toph found herself pondering the young man's appearance, but she could not reach beyond the limited scope her Earthbending allowed her to envision the world through. She enjoyed teasing the Watertribe boy with her blindness, but little did he know how deep each joke truly cut.

Against her will, a single tear rolled down her cheek. The Earthbender wondered what color it might be, and hoped that her friends could not see it as she wiped it away. It is not that she did not trust them, but she doubted they could understand what it cost her to sit there and wonder what the world might look like. She had made peace with her lack of eye sight long ago because she would never give up her amazing Earthbending for the ability to see. She knew that her unique gift for Earthbending was a gift to be cherished and was probably meant to be now that she was the Avatar's Earthbending mentor, but that did not make her burden any less, just easier to bare each day. Maybe one day, when the world saw her as Toph, the great Earthbender, instead of Toph, the poor blind girl, things might change for the better. Instead of seeing constant darkness, she might one day look into the light.


End file.
